FULL LYRICS
Chapter 1: My Mind Is a Dark Room (Prologue)
Verse 1
I swear my mind is a dark room
Its empty but here fear rules
I’m trapped in here and the walls no dey blank, I wrote angry words on them, they are fearful
And boy this is where I release the part of me you will never see
I’m bleeding here and I don’t want you to see me bleed
I carry anger in me from the abuses I received and I punch these walls with both of my fists till they bleed
Mum and Dad I can’t run from here cause I’m stuck in here
I’m jammed in this windowless room like the lock in here
People say I have a stony heart and that I’m fucking paranoid, they don’t know it’s because I locked it here
Hook:
my mind is a chamber, I’m dropped in
Oh oh
And I swear, it’s lonely in this room, in my mind
Verse 2:
My mind is a dark room where the lyrics flow
Boy this is the room where all my pains go
I swear this is where all my anger is bottled up
The regrets, heartbreaks, pain and all my fuck ups
My papa rejected me in his actions
But now he expects me to open up
Hip-hop took me and raised me like a son so this is the only room where I stay and open up!
congratulations for making me a prisoner of my mind
Thank you for making my self-esteem lose it’s grind
I hope you are happy now that I’m withdrawn and moving about carrying this stuff like a man bout to lose his mind
When was the last time you told me you loved me
You only got me questioning what trust is
You only led me to emotional setback and I cried
So I put your name in red paint on the walls in my mind!
Verse 3
I wrote many things on these walls of mine
Example I wrote elementary Innocence
I also wrote the question who am I?
And I also wrote am a Juvenile delinquent
I wrote that am addicted to Erotica
Mama would be so surprised when she sees that
Look at the walls in here you would also see I wrote “Depressed” and “As I commit, Suicide”
I’m barricaded inside here like a nuisance
Prisoner of my mind, but can’t scream resistance
This door I locked it forever so stop knocking stop knocking, don’t need your assistance
But man I’m struggling in this mind of mine
This life I’m living, boy would you call it life?
I’ve invited you dear listener to my mind so ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my shitty life!!
Chapter 2: Elementary Innocence
Hook:
Elementary Innocence
Stripped like Adam in the garden of Eden
Elementary Innocence
Elemental Elementary Innocence
I was a young child in elementary school.
My Innocence full and I’m mentally good.
They brought me to school for education
So they can tame my imagination for an occupation
As ‘nnocent as a newly-hatched butterfly
Primary school fresh kid cannot hurt a fly
Until these spoilt kids came, taught me some aruala
Like how to use my fingers to explore her pants now
There was this little girl, my seatmate, always sat with her
We never spoke a word to each other, I was a shy person
One day we had a class siesta with our heads sleeping on the desk and she put her little hands in the middle of my short knicker
Ooh, a part of my Innocence torn apart
My own hands reached out to her skirt and pant
In my little seared mind, I felt it was rapture
Until our wicked class teacher mistakenly come catch us
Hook 2*
Verse 2
My mama got a housemaid when I was in primary school
To do the chores and look after us when we were not in school
I think her name was … Oh I’ve forgotten
But I swear this my story no go ever leave my memory
One day while both of my parents were away
She took me from the parlour to her room
I thought I had done something very bad so I was afraid
Especially when she closed the door behind me, and locked the room
She whispered things in my ear I can’t remember
Before me things took a stranger turn when she bent down
She pulled my shorts down and pulled her skirt up
And we did some biological experiments, uh
At the end of it, she cajoled me to keep it secret
But girl my young mind been destroyed by this thing
Now I would have to carry this about for the rest of my life and like a period, my Innocence, I’ve missed it
What am I gonna do now?
I’m young but my psyche broken down
Now I got a big stain on my purity
Can someone tell me how I can remove it?
Hook
Chapter 3: Identity Crisis
Pre-Hook:
Who am I, can you help me?
Cause I’m lost
… In this matrix
Can you help me
Verse 1:
Can you see a young boy trying to find himself
He locked his real self up. His mind is a cell
I have a very complex story that is really hard to tell
All the abuses I’ve had to take but it’s hard to YELL
You no go fit see the invisible scars wey dey my chest
They big. The emotional scars are bigger than the rest
Undergoing rejection from papa, I guess that’s hell
How do they want me to react when they say I’m the first born male
Crises, I’m struggling trying to find who I am
I’m a floating element in space but who destroyed my psyche?
They ask who am I, I don’t think that question is easy
To answer that question, I’m trying to find my identity
Daddy always liked saying I’m a very stupid boy
How can you expect this emotional abuse to give me joy?
As I write, hurt flows through my pen ~
Shit I’m a young boy of ten
(I’m a young boy of ten)
Hook:
Who am I, can you help me?
Cause I’m lost
Can you help me
Hold me ‘fore I’m gone
Verse 2:
When I see these other children with their parents showing them love, I tend to be jealous of these kids enough
My parents were abusive, I felt I was a nuisance
They fragmenting my normal development into pieces
What would I turn out into when I get to puberty
All they see is a withdrawn boy when they look at me
And all they say is “oh this young boy is too quiet”
Stupid they can’t look beyond the façade into the sadness
Oh God tell me why did I even become the first born
Why did mama’s two boys die before I was then born
Cause I’m sick and tired of this mantle
Let me throw it on Elisha I can no longer handle, I will surely stumble
…shoes they made for me
Got inner struggles, they enough for me
See the road to being a normal healthy child has plenty chains
So I hope I don’t turn out to be a delinquent
Refrain:
As I write hurt flows through my pen
Shit, I’m a young boy of ten (till fade)
Chapter 4: Juvenile
Yo nigga
Oh shit!!
It’s 2012 and I’m young and free
It’s 2012 amd I’m young and free
[So tell the police]
I’m a Juvenile Delinquent (ye ye ye) (4×)
Verse 1:
I’m a Juvenile Delinquent
I’m real stubborn in an instant
We sag like people from prison
Cause we do things with no reason
Give me a gun and a track, I’m feeling like a gangster, satan
It’s 2012 and I’m lost, (p) but no I’m not really lost I’m a fucking monster
Learning from my Idols
Lil Wayne taught me sagging
2chainz taught me 2 chains on my neck
All of them taught young me bragging
Uh oh
And Nicki made me get attracted to this big ass with a great tan
Why are my parents surprised at what I’m turning into, they should know better
I had parents who were distant very much so I was raised by the Tv
They didn’t give me sex education so I learnt it from these on-screen ladies
I’m feeling fly higher than a jet in the airspace
They call it swag, dead space
These girls feeling ya boy
I’m almost feeling like a playboy
My head don big, give me headspace (aw)
kill em kill em kill em kill em aw
Tell all these girls in my neighborhood that I am the motherfucking juvenile delinquent
Good kid, bad breeding
Field of good corn, I’m the bad seedling
Good kid, bad breeding
Field of good corn I’m the bad seedling
I feel my conscience, it’s pricking
I ignore it and I kick it
I swear my life is so thrilling
This my life, I gat to live it
(La la la la la la la la ) 2x
I’m breaking rules with no feelings
Telling mummy that I’m chilling
I feel my innocence leaving
I’m breaking loose with no ceilings
Mama said to me, “Victory
Be a model to your siblings
Which kind of model the deal is
I came to the world to fill my cravings, silly
Outro:
See my innocence dey for en last leg
I just wan make my bad friends call me baddest
Chapter 5: Erotika
Verse 1:
2 months later, I’m on my brand new phone
My eyes started by staring at naked ladies
stained purity and my corruped soul producing endorphins of a helpless addict
My thickened cassava, struggling to get out from the zip of my trousers
shit
My mind’s addicted to the searching of sex-ual stuff with the use of my opra mini browser
Watching screaming girls been penetrated
Testosterone hormones are been elevated
My conscience is telling me Victory this is sin
But my enslaved mind is laughing at me would never listen
I’m screaming gimme more gimme more
Romantic movies don’t move me anymore, show me raw form
Glistening penis and these sucking raw whores
Who can swallow fleshy penis like it’s tom tom
Shit, I’m addicted, I’m afflicted
With these videos of naked bitches that are sucking these dickheads
This affliction pushes me up to strip myself naked
And rub this innocent penis till it’s long and till it’s red
How did this slavery start sef
Good kid, though a juvenile delinquent
Still dealing with the last legs of my innocence
I think I remember how this stupid shit all started
Went to the cyber cafe to do an assignment
One Sunday afternoon, a holy day
I entered the cafe behold everyone was watching porn like it was a little piece of cake
Mistake I made, I didn’t leave, I stayed I later left with my assignment done but 2 months later, I swear the dark story of my addiction begins
Hook
Who can save me from erotika. 2x
Verse 2:
Images burned in my brain
Can’t think clearly anymore I’m drained
I got sex in my veins
Wait lemme see another sex round before I go insane
I’m addicted to this shii like it’s hard drugs
And I’m so full of this shii like it’s virus
Is this how I go down to the grave?
Son of a king, at the rate I’m going I may die as a slave
See me I’m a ghost of my former self
But abeg wetin dey do this my mind sef
I can’t even talk to girls normally cos I envision them naked
Friends avoid me cos I stare vacant
Who can save me from erotika
Who can save me cos nothing can
Who can save me from erotika!!
Who can save me from erotika!!!!
Chapter 6: Legacy
Verse 1:
As I write hurt flows through my pen
Shit which legacy should I leave for them
They said I should leave a legacy for my younger kids
Which legacy would I leave. A porn addict?
I’m just feeling so much pain
Wondering how it all fit in my brain
I’m feeling like I was cast out like cain
With the mark of rebellion like a menstru-al stain
Dad was ample in the use of his cane
I wasn’t praised for good but I always took a blame
My Sunday school teacher tell me God is good Well
Calls him Heavenly Father what of my Dad on earth
Punishment and not correction was all I felt
The rebel in my soul was really growing yea
Little by little just like you digging up a well
To be a good example for my siblings I fail
Hook:
I should be an example that wasn’t set for me?
I should leave a legacy that wasn’t left for me?
Verse 2:
Parents always fought before me as a little kid
Tell me, which kid’s mind gonna survive it
She nagged one day and he flogged her with a wire
Shit, man, she was crying for hours
When that happened she was pregnant with my brother
I wonder now how the fetus wasn’t murdered
You think I wouldn’t beat my wife when I marry?
Shit! That’s what I learnt from my daddy
Ruled my brothers and my sister with an iron hand
They could only breath when my parents were araund
Flogged em with the mark of rebel on my forehead
Transferred aggression like Cain and Abel
Brothers and sister can feel that I’m distant but what do they expect? Daddy is also distant
Mummy can be so insensitive at times
Nwanne I’m not a good example also need assistance
Hook
Verse 3:
See I’m the number three child
In my family who became number one
Because my elder brothers died on their day one
I wasn’t made for this or was I made for it?
Where is God please so I can go question Him
All this shit happening amd I’m questioning
Whether there’s a good God, true God
This been eating deep into my sub-conscious
Close to the fucking edge and I’m feeling nauseous
On the sands of time yet leaving no footprints
I’m a bad example for my growing siblings
And shit they looking up to me
My 3rd brother even told me he wants to be like me
I almost cried when i heard that
Brother please don’t be like me because that’s bad
I’m limping. I’m walking on one leg ~
I keep getting the same sprain, the same tear, the same strain
Hook
Chapter 7: Melancholia
Verse:
Damn I’m sitting in my room all alone
Today I don’t wanna see anyone
It’s only when I’m alone I can take off the mask
When I do you no more see the smile, a big task
Got a lot on my mind
Seems someone cursed me or the stars misaligned
Life is full of gloom and sadness
Only see dark clouds through the windows of my room, the darkness – closing in
No one knows how I feel
Nobody even tries to understanding me
My Dad be only telling me how stupid I be
Like I said on chapter 3, I’m looking for I.D
So I’m asking, is God really real?
Or if He is, is He just like my Dad is?
And if he is, then I disdain Christianity
See because I’m thinking that kind of system is shit
But I think …
(Interruption)
Can you tell my brothers just leave me be in my room
Can you tell em I’m so angry I can kill like a storm
I’m angry I’m angry
Nobody even loves me. Not even my daddy
And it’s killing me like a razor blade
I should prolly cut myself with a razor blade
Maybe I would levitate
Then I would escape …
From ehm em. . .
Watching this my life like Tv
See I’m dating miss fear and she be
Whispering my ear and it’s dangerous
My feeling of worthlesness so enormous
Looks like I’m gonna commit suicide
I’m feeling like a ghost, like a nuisance
I can no more deal with humans
They can’t understand my nuance
Shit I’m terrified I’m scared to die I’m scarified
They say you have to take the risk but see I’m petrified
I can’t bear it anymore I think this death is fine
Right now me think it’s just suicide that would rectify!
[Foreign woman; spoken word]:
A shot of criticism through the brain
Slowly bleeding to death
Tortured with seven inch nails of accusations
Stabbed with negligence that ripples through the spine
Buried alive; guilt
Poisoned with insecurities
Mutilated with demoralization
Drowned with lies . . .
Cause of death? Unknown
Part II: As I Commit Suicide
Verse:
Time heals all wounds so they say
Tears of sadness, hurt replaced
I’m sitting on the floor of my room holding the pill bottle with poison to take my place
The sorrow I feel can you feel it too?
Tomorrow’s dreams will it come true?
Because I say this my last prose
I’m sinking here a dying rose
Freezing here in the hot cold
Cameras take my last pose
Tell me shit I’m catching things I’m taking this my last dose
This a suicide letter
I should have known better
I guess this my last letter
Boom… I’m gone
Signed your dearly Beloved
Son
Chorus: [Tirexjay]
Depression ain’t obvious but suicide is.
My pain nobody sees.
My mangled body they shall see.
My head is all but a mess.
Depression’s overtaking me.
This is my bid for freedom.
Because deppression isn’t obvious but suicide is.
My depression, my depression
This is my depression
Chapter 8: Who Is He?
Verse 1:
I’m lying in my room alone looking at the ceiling wondering where the hell God is
I’ve lived my life Godless for so long
Questions crossing through my mind looking so silly but I swear I’m so gone, just like a chainsmoker’s both lungs
I picked up a dusty Bible lying in the corner of my room
Dusted it flipped open to the first page my hand touched, Boom
Chapter 1 verse 18 of the prophet Isaiah’s book
It really caught my eye so I just had to take a look
Now God I just have to ask some questions I mean no disrespect there are things I just wanna know
What Isaiah wrote in Chapter 1 verse 18, is it a joke?
That you sir can really make me… As white… As snow!
I hope you know I’m a porn addict, blacker than sin and depressed
I even don’t know if I believe that you just exist yet
But something in that passage keeps attracting me like a magnet and it’s igniting my hope
I hope it’s not a joke
Answer me!
Hook:
But Sir are you the one that has come to set me free?
If you knew who I am would you really die for me?
They say you the cursed man the one who hangs on a tree
I know this the only Son of God but someone tell me who the fuck is He!! 2x
Verse 2:
Lord wait can you tell me who the hell are you
These Church people keep telling me to accept you
Or you would throw me into hell ~
I’ve been through hell is there another hell?
The stuff I write is the shit that gets me through this fucking hell
I nearly committed suicide yesterday
And your silence is driving me to despair anyway
You spoke through Isaiah 1:18 but now you back away
You should have left my suicide plan so I die away
And these Church people keep telling me stop this or go to hell
Remove your necklace or go to hell
Remove your pencil trousers or go to hell
Barb off your mohawks to low cut or go to hell
Me I say Shit!, FUCK ALL OF THEM
Bro J, but you go fit save me?
My soul don loss, you fit show me mercy?
Stuck somewhere between depravity and captivity
My mind has been crushed by animalistic activity
Chapter 7: Alone. Unlonely (Epilogue)
Chorus:
Lonely, I am not lonely
I have somebody
For my own
Verse:
Sitting in my room reading the Bible
I been really interested in reading the scribal
Letter sent by Paul to the Romans
Like my eyes awoke to a different dimension from coma
It says all I have to do is believe
Nothing more on my fucking part than taking a gift
Then it says when I do I have the Spirit in me
The Spirit in me? Can I feel Him a bit?
I been thinking of this, trying to sink it all in
Just some days ago I felt like jumping the cliff
I think you stopped me I see your awesome design
Now your word says that Christ is my eternal design
I wear my weaknesses like a cologne
They put fullstop on my life you made it semicolon
Lord I swear I been a foo’
But it seems sugar rushed to my head, now I see you
Chorus
