Want To Promote Your Music? Go to www.afrodigitalz.com All Music,MUSIC,SPONSORED DOWNLOAD MIXTAPE: @THEAWKNDSCRIBE ==> SUGAR RUSHING TO MY HEAD


“my mind is a dark room, It’s empty but here fear rules”
There’s no better way to start such detailed mixtape than the above opening lines. The Awknd Scribe tells his narrative skillfully on this record with youthful angst yet a sense of purpose.
SRTMH is a story of hurt, growing up, pain, addiction, and redemption. In it we see Scribe lay out his heart and let us take a peek.
Download the individual tracks below or better still, download the whole zip file. There are only two rules for this project; (i) Listen to the whole thing at once, and (ii) listen in the right sequence; it is a musical ‘book’.
Get more updates from him on twitter: @TheAwkndScribe
My Mind Is a Dark Room
Elementary Innocence
Identity Crisis 
Juvenile Delinquent
Erotika (Explicit)
Who is He
Alone. Unlonely


Chapter 1: My Mind Is a Dark Room (Prologue)

Verse 1

I swear my mind is a dark room

Its empty but here fear rules

I’m trapped in here and the walls no dey blank, I wrote angry words on them, they are fearful

And boy this is where I release the part of me you will never see

I’m bleeding here and I don’t want you to see me bleed

I carry anger in me from the abuses I received and I punch these walls with both of my fists till they bleed

Mum and Dad I can’t run from here cause I’m stuck in here

I’m jammed in this windowless room like the lock in here

People say I have a stony heart and that I’m fucking paranoid, they don’t know it’s because I locked it here



my mind is a chamber, I’m dropped in

Oh oh

And I swear, it’s lonely in this room, in my mind


Verse 2:

My mind is a dark room where the lyrics flow

Boy this is the room where all my pains go

I swear this is where all my anger is bottled up

The regrets, heartbreaks, pain and all my fuck ups

My papa rejected me in his actions

But now he expects me to open up

Hip-hop took me and raised me like a son so this is the only room where I stay and open up!

congratulations for making me a prisoner of my mind

Thank you for making my self-esteem lose it’s grind

I hope you are happy now that I’m withdrawn and moving about carrying this stuff like a man bout to lose his mind

When was the last time you told me you loved me

You only got me questioning what trust is

You only led me to emotional setback and I cried

So I put your name in red paint on the walls in my mind!


Verse 3

I wrote many things on these walls of mine

Example I wrote elementary Innocence

I also wrote the question who am I?

And I also wrote am a Juvenile delinquent

I wrote that am addicted to Erotica

Mama would be so surprised when she sees that

Look at the walls in here you would also see I wrote “Depressed” and “As I commit, Suicide”

I’m barricaded inside here like a nuisance

Prisoner of my mind, but can’t scream resistance

This door I locked it forever so stop knocking stop knocking, don’t need your assistance

But man I’m struggling in this mind of mine

This life I’m living, boy would you call it life?

I’ve invited you dear listener to my mind so ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my shitty life!!




Chapter 2: Elementary Innocence


Elementary Innocence

Stripped like Adam in the garden of Eden

Elementary Innocence

Elemental Elementary Innocence


I was a young child in elementary school.

My Innocence full and I’m mentally good.

They brought me to school for education

So they can tame my imagination for an occupation

As ‘nnocent as a newly-hatched butterfly

Primary school fresh kid cannot hurt a fly

Until these spoilt kids came, taught me some aruala

Like how to use my fingers to explore her pants now


There was this little girl, my seatmate, always sat with her

We never spoke a word to each other, I was a shy person

One day we had a class siesta with our heads sleeping on the desk and she put her little hands in the middle of my short knicker


Ooh, a part of my Innocence torn apart

My own hands reached out to her skirt and pant

In my little seared mind, I felt it was rapture

Until our wicked class teacher mistakenly come catch us


         Hook 2*


Verse 2

My mama got a housemaid when I was in primary school

To do the chores and look after us when we were not in school

I think her name was … Oh I’ve forgotten

But I swear this my story no go ever leave my memory

One day while both of my parents were away

She took me from the parlour to her room

I thought I had done something very bad so I was afraid

Especially when she closed the door behind me, and locked the room

She whispered things in my ear I can’t remember

Before me things took a stranger turn when she bent down

She pulled my shorts down and pulled her skirt up

And we did some biological experiments, uh

At the end of it, she cajoled me to keep it secret

But girl my young mind been destroyed by this thing

Now I would have to carry this about for the rest of my life and like a period, my Innocence, I’ve missed it

What am I gonna do now?

I’m young but my psyche broken down

Now I got a big stain on my purity

Can someone tell me how I can remove it?




Chapter 3: Identity Crisis


Who am I, can you help me?

Cause I’m lost

… In this matrix

Can you help me


Verse 1:

Can you see a young boy trying to find himself

He locked his real self up. His mind is a cell

I have a very complex story that is really hard to tell

All the abuses I’ve had to take but it’s hard to YELL

You no go fit see the invisible scars wey dey my chest

They big. The emotional scars are bigger than the rest

Undergoing rejection from papa, I guess that’s hell

How do they want me to react when they say I’m the first born male

Crises, I’m struggling trying to find who I am

I’m a floating element in space but who destroyed my psyche?

They ask who am I, I don’t think that question is easy

To answer that question, I’m trying to find my identity

Daddy always liked saying I’m a very stupid boy

How can you expect this emotional abuse to give me joy?

As I write, hurt flows through my pen ~

Shit I’m a young boy of ten

             (I’m a young boy of ten)



Who am I, can you help me?

Cause I’m lost

Can you help me

Hold me ‘fore I’m gone


Verse 2:

When I see these other children with their parents showing them love, I tend to be jealous of these kids enough

My parents were abusive, I felt I was a nuisance

They fragmenting my normal development into pieces

What would I turn out into when I get to puberty

All they see is a withdrawn boy when they look at me


And all they say is “oh this young boy is too quiet”

Stupid they can’t look beyond the façade into the sadness

Oh God tell me why did I even become the first born

Why did mama’s two boys die before I was then born

Cause I’m sick and tired of this mantle

Let me throw it on Elisha I can no longer handle, I will surely stumble

…shoes they made for me

Got inner struggles, they enough for me

See the road to being a normal healthy child has plenty chains

So I hope I don’t turn out to be a delinquent



As I write hurt flows through my pen

Shit, I’m a young boy of ten    (till fade)



Chapter 4: Juvenile

Yo nigga

        Oh shit!!

It’s 2012 and I’m young and free

It’s 2012 amd I’m young and free

[So tell the police]

I’m a Juvenile Delinquent (ye ye ye) (4×)


Verse 1:

I’m a Juvenile Delinquent

I’m real stubborn in an instant

We sag like people from prison

Cause we do things with no reason

Give me a gun and a track, I’m feeling like a gangster, satan

It’s 2012 and I’m lost, (p) but no I’m not really lost I’m a fucking monster

Learning from my Idols

Lil Wayne taught me sagging

2chainz taught me 2 chains on my neck

All of them taught young me bragging

  Uh oh

And Nicki made me get attracted to this big ass with a great tan

Why are my parents surprised at what I’m turning into, they should know better

I had parents who were distant very much so I was raised by the Tv

They didn’t give me sex education so I learnt it from these on-screen ladies

I’m feeling fly higher than a jet in the airspace

They call it swag, dead space

These girls feeling ya boy

I’m almost feeling like a playboy

My head don big, give me headspace (aw)

kill em kill em kill em kill em aw

Tell all these girls in my neighborhood that I am the motherfucking juvenile delinquent


Good kid, bad breeding

Field of good corn, I’m the bad seedling

Good kid, bad breeding

Field of good corn I’m the bad seedling


I feel my conscience, it’s pricking

I ignore it and I kick it

I swear my life is so thrilling

This my life, I gat to live it

(La la la la la la la la ) 2x


I’m breaking rules with no feelings

Telling mummy that I’m chilling

I feel my innocence leaving

I’m breaking loose with no ceilings

Mama said to me, “Victory

Be a model to your siblings

Which kind of model the deal is

I came to the world to fill my cravings, silly



See my innocence dey for en last leg

I just wan make my bad friends call me baddest




Chapter 5: Erotika

Verse 1:

2 months later, I’m on my brand new phone

My eyes started by staring at naked ladies

stained purity and my corruped soul producing endorphins of a helpless addict

My thickened cassava, struggling to get out from the zip of my trousers


My mind’s addicted to the searching of sex-ual stuff with the use of my opra mini browser

Watching screaming girls been penetrated

Testosterone hormones are been elevated

My conscience is telling me Victory this is sin

But my enslaved mind is laughing at me would never listen

I’m screaming gimme more gimme more

Romantic movies don’t move me anymore, show me raw form

Glistening penis and these sucking raw whores

Who can swallow fleshy penis like it’s tom tom

Shit, I’m addicted, I’m afflicted

With these videos of naked bitches that are sucking these dickheads

This affliction pushes me up to strip myself naked

And rub this innocent penis till it’s long and till it’s red

How did this slavery start sef

Good kid, though a juvenile delinquent

Still dealing with the last legs of my innocence

I think I remember how this stupid shit all started

Went to the cyber cafe to do an assignment

One Sunday afternoon, a holy day

I entered the cafe behold everyone was watching porn like it was a little piece of cake

Mistake I made, I didn’t leave, I stayed I later left with my assignment done but 2 months later, I swear the dark story of my addiction begins



Who can save me from erotika.  2x


Verse 2:

Images burned in my brain

Can’t think clearly anymore I’m drained

I got sex in my veins

Wait lemme see another sex round before I go insane

I’m addicted to this shii like it’s hard drugs

And I’m so full of this shii like it’s virus

Is this how I go down to the grave?

Son of a king, at the rate I’m going I may die as a slave

See me I’m a ghost of my former self

But abeg wetin dey do this my mind sef

I can’t even talk to girls normally cos I envision them naked

Friends avoid me cos I stare vacant

Who can save me from erotika

Who can save me cos nothing can

Who can save me from erotika!!

Who can save me from erotika!!!!





Chapter 6: Legacy

Verse 1:

As I write hurt flows through my pen

Shit which legacy should I leave for them

They said I should leave a legacy for my younger kids

Which legacy would I leave. A porn addict?


I’m just feeling so much pain

Wondering how it all fit in my brain

I’m feeling like I was cast out like cain

With the mark of rebellion like a menstru-al stain

Dad was ample in the use of his cane

I wasn’t praised for good but I always took a blame

My Sunday school teacher tell me God is good Well

Calls him Heavenly Father what of my Dad on earth

Punishment and not correction was all I felt

The rebel in my soul was really growing yea

Little by little just like you digging up a well

To be a good example for my siblings I fail



I should be an example that wasn’t set for me?

I should leave a legacy that wasn’t left for me?


Verse 2:

Parents always fought before me as a little kid

Tell me, which kid’s mind gonna survive it

She nagged one day and he flogged her with a wire

Shit, man, she was crying for hours

When that happened she was pregnant with my brother

I wonder now how the fetus wasn’t murdered

You think I wouldn’t beat my wife when I marry?

Shit! That’s what I learnt from my daddy

Ruled my brothers and my sister with an iron hand

They could only breath when my parents were araund

Flogged em with the mark of rebel on my forehead

Transferred aggression like Cain and Abel

Brothers and sister can feel that I’m distant but what do they expect? Daddy is also distant

Mummy can be so insensitive at times

Nwanne I’m not a good example also need assistance



Verse 3:

See I’m the number three child

In my family who became number one

Because my elder brothers died on their day one

I wasn’t made for this or was I made for it?

Where is God please so I can go question Him

All this shit happening amd I’m questioning

Whether there’s a good God, true God

This been eating deep into my sub-conscious

Close to the fucking edge and I’m feeling nauseous

On the sands of time yet leaving no footprints

I’m a bad example for my growing siblings

And shit they looking up to me

My 3rd brother even told me he wants to be like me

I almost cried when i heard that

Brother please don’t be like me because that’s bad

I’m limping. I’m walking on one leg ~

I keep getting the same sprain, the same tear, the same strain







Chapter 7: Melancholia



Damn I’m sitting in my room all alone

Today I don’t wanna see anyone

It’s only when I’m alone I can take off the mask

When I do you no more see the smile, a big task

Got a lot on my mind

Seems someone cursed me or the stars misaligned

Life is full of gloom and sadness

Only see dark clouds through the windows of my room, the darkness – closing in

No one knows how I feel

Nobody even tries to understanding me

My Dad be only telling me how stupid I be

Like I said on chapter 3, I’m looking for I.D

So I’m asking, is God really real?

Or if He is, is He just like my Dad is?

And if he is, then I disdain Christianity

See because I’m thinking that kind of system is shit

  But I think …


Can you tell my brothers just leave me be in my room

Can you tell em I’m so angry I can kill like a storm

I’m angry I’m angry

Nobody even loves me. Not even my daddy

And it’s killing me like a razor blade

I should prolly cut myself with a razor blade

Maybe I would levitate

Then I would escape …

 From ehm em. . .


Watching this my life like Tv

See I’m dating miss fear and she be

Whispering my ear and it’s dangerous

My feeling of worthlesness so enormous

Looks like I’m gonna commit suicide

I’m feeling like a ghost, like a nuisance

I can no more deal with humans

They can’t understand my nuance


Shit I’m terrified I’m scared to die I’m scarified

They say you have to take the risk but see I’m petrified

I can’t bear it anymore I think this death is fine

Right now me think it’s just suicide that would rectify!


[Foreign woman; spoken word]:

A shot of criticism through the brain

Slowly bleeding to death

Tortured with seven inch nails of accusations

Stabbed with negligence that ripples through the spine

Buried alive; guilt

Poisoned with insecurities

Mutilated with demoralization

Drowned with lies . . .

Cause of death? Unknown


        Part II: As I Commit Suicide



Time heals all wounds so they say

Tears of sadness, hurt replaced

I’m sitting on the floor of my room holding the pill bottle with poison to take my place

The sorrow I feel can you feel it too?

Tomorrow’s dreams will it come true?

Because I say this my last prose

I’m sinking here a dying rose

Freezing here in the hot cold

Cameras take my last pose

Tell me shit I’m catching things I’m taking this my last dose

This a suicide letter

I should have known better

I guess this my last letter

Boom… I’m gone

Signed your dearly Beloved



Chorus: [Tirexjay]

Depression ain’t obvious but suicide is.

My pain nobody sees.

My mangled body they shall see.

My head is all but a mess.

Depression’s overtaking me.

This is my bid for freedom.

Because deppression isn’t obvious but suicide is.

My depression, my depression

This is my depression





Chapter 8: Who Is He?


Verse 1:

I’m lying in my room alone looking at the ceiling wondering where the hell God is

I’ve lived my life Godless for so long

Questions crossing through my mind looking so silly but I swear I’m so gone, just like a chainsmoker’s both lungs

I picked up a dusty Bible lying in the corner of my room

Dusted it flipped open to the first page my hand touched, Boom

Chapter 1 verse 18 of the prophet Isaiah’s book

It really caught my eye so I just had to take a look

Now God I just have to ask some questions I mean no disrespect there are things I just wanna know

What Isaiah wrote in Chapter 1 verse 18, is it a joke?

That you sir can really make me… As white… As snow!

I hope you know I’m a porn addict, blacker than sin and depressed

I even don’t know if I believe that you just exist yet

But something in that passage keeps attracting me like a magnet  and it’s igniting my hope

I hope it’s not a joke

Answer me!



But Sir are you the one that has come to set me free?

If you knew who I am would you really die for me?

They say you the cursed man the one who hangs on a tree

I know this the only Son of God but someone tell me who the fuck is He!!  2x


Verse 2:

Lord wait can you tell me who the hell are you

These Church people keep telling me to accept you

Or you would throw me into hell ~

I’ve been through hell is there another hell?

The stuff I write is the shit that gets me through this fucking hell

I nearly committed suicide yesterday

And your silence is driving me to despair anyway

You spoke through Isaiah 1:18 but now you back away

You should have left my suicide plan so I die away

And these Church people keep telling me stop this or go to hell

Remove your necklace or go to hell

Remove your pencil trousers or go to hell

Barb off your mohawks to low cut or go to hell


Me I say Shit!, FUCK ALL OF THEM


Bro J, but you go fit save me?

My soul don loss, you fit show me mercy?

Stuck somewhere between depravity and captivity

My mind has been crushed by animalistic activity






Chapter 7: Alone. Unlonely (Epilogue)




Lonely, I am not lonely

I have somebody

For my own



Sitting in my room reading the Bible

I been really interested in reading the scribal

Letter sent by Paul to the Romans

Like my eyes awoke to a different dimension from coma

It says all I have to do is believe

Nothing more on my fucking part than taking a gift

Then it says when I do I have the Spirit in me

The Spirit in me? Can I feel Him a bit?

I been thinking of this, trying to sink it all in

Just some days ago I felt like jumping the cliff

I think you stopped me I see your awesome design

Now your word says that Christ is my eternal design

I wear my weaknesses like a cologne

They put fullstop on my life you made it semicolon

Lord I swear I been a foo’

But it seems sugar rushed to my head, now I see you



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